Updates to the Wazoo

I haven't been on here in a while and I'm sorry for those who have the eye on my posts...(AKA no one but hey this makes me feel better). Let me see. Still at my job and just going crazy at the fact my girl isn't here, she's off at college. I want her here. I can't stand being alone, and yes I have a cat now who is like demonic but still. I miss the feel of her arms around me as we sleep. The feel of her breath on my chest as we lay together enjoying each others company.
I think I've ranted enough in this post. I'll try to be on the ball more often
Thank you and goodnight.

*LIFE ALERT*

I'm going to go insane everyone. My girl is coming down the seventh and fun we shall have. Hehehehehe :) But there is more. I finally and moving up and got a higher (and hopefully more paying) job in the store I work at. Training isn't for a little bit longer but I don't care.
All I wish was I'd like to sleep, Don't get me wring I do but this is how it works:
I stay up until 3-4 A.M. and wake up at about 10:30-11:00. I know some of you are thinking "so that's still relatively good sleep", and you'd be right but. . . Let me god damn finish! xP
It isn't a restful sleep. It's filled with weird dreams, tossing and turning, and for some reason I wake up more exhausted then when I went to bed. Not to mention my weird eating habit have gotten weirder. I barely eat. . . well considering a teenage boy's diet that is.
That should be all for now. Thank you for listening to another rant.
Until next time. . . Wow I feel like I'm a tv host now. . .
Bya

. . .Mmm. . .

I don't know what it is but I'm rather happy. My girl can come and go from her house as much as she pleases, I have classes coming back and I'm getting hours at work. Everything feels good, but usually life likes to come out and blow in my face but this time. . . It feels different.
She's leaving soon for college herself so I know it'll be different but. . . We both want to try.
*Breathes* here we go.
*hides in bed* can it wait for a week or two? . . .yeah it can so it should. . . No you're right. . . I should at least face it now.
.
.
Damn.

Shower

As August begins I find myself needing a shower. For me it's an escape from everything, almost like my island and under the water but this one is used mostly for thinking back and actually solving the problem. I couldn't keep looking at that text anymore. "Im leavin. Not takin my fone. Love you always" I couldn't breathe as it was. From that moment on I felt alone. Utterly. . . helplessly. . . Alone.
I pray to god someone will read this and tell me it's stupid for me to think that and I can move on but until then, it's how I feel. We've always had someway of talking, and knowing there isn't one. . . I have to face a day alone and I don't know what will happen.
I thought back to the story my girl had written about our first night out together. . . I know she's changed, but only from stress. She's still that strong flirty girl who I love with every fiber of my being. I'm just worried that. . . I've changed and I'm now not meant to be with her anymore. She'll read this and hopefully tell me different. . . Cause I don't want to lose you sweetheart.
But back in the shower I know it's time to get out and I do. As I sit here writing this, facing the world with no hand in mine. . . I come to think. . . Maybe this should be my time to show her I'll miss her while she's away (starting in 21 days, sorry I know you hate that number) that I can be strong. So she can have the biggest thing of not having to worry about me. I just. . .
I wish when I had told her how much I'm worried about her leaving, she'd have noticed I didn't say I was stopping her. I know I can't and I know I'll push through ok for her sake. But instead I remember her saying she'll work at McDonalds for ever and pay off her debt. . . *Tries not to cry* I still don't know if she was just throwing it in my face or if she'd be willing to do it. . .sadly I really don't know.
*checks time*
well time to get ready. . . Time to face the world. Ready world?
Here I come. . .
I think I'll wait until ten. . .that is when I start work after all.

Poem: Hollow and void

Hollow.
Listen to wind blow through me.
You could fill this void
and yet you stand idle.
Watch the burning embers die.
watch the burning skies,
watch the burning tides,
and watch the world pass me by.
Few could save me, but I watch them go about their tasks.
watching.
My voice leaves me. . .
when I try ask for help.
People say they're busy, and I know they are but. . .
a friend in need. . .
is. . .
right. . .
gone.

July

Well July starts out with a bang for me each year now and I'll tell you why. It starts with my girl's birthday. The day I decided she picked what we did for the whole day and she chose funtown....fun....town....does anyone know how much that is???? *sigh* lol but still, she had a good. . .no. . .great day apparently. (on a scale from 1-10 she said a 15 but I don't know how much to take seriously about that one Xp) We rode just about every ride, although we missed one of my favorites, the Dragon's Decent, it was still even a perfect day for me. Kept making me think about my birthday and how I hope mine will be the same.
Next is the fourth of course and not only is it the quote on quote "birthday to America" but also my stepmother's birthday. So my sister and I drove down to see the other half of the family and swim and have lobster and even say hello to the other birthday girl.
We finish our visit and my girl gets out of work (the reason she can't come down with me) and we go to the fireworks with her family. I'm utterly exhausted getting up this morning and now get to relax after my own work and read a book or two.
.
.
Though my mind keeps returning to the fact my girl will be leaving soon, she'll be off at college and I'll be here hoping I can keep busy or better, go visit. I keep crossing my fingers hoping I don't mess up, and wishing I myself could have a day like hers. I can see it now. I spend the night there in her dorm, we head out to see my dad, stopping to have sex and breakfast, making it there for the day and having a nice quiet party with everyone. We all head to fright at the fort at Fort Knox and at the end I bring her home and I head to my mother's where there is more family and going to bed at my house I talk to her about how much fun I had and fall asleep hearing her voice say "goodnight and sweet dreams birthday boy"
.
.
.
yeah I know
.
.
.
To much to ask for. But it's really only a day or two for me. . . is it really that bad?

WOO!

So, my first summer class is over and I think it went pretty well. I have another coming up soon but it's early in the morning so I should have the rest of the day off. I think this will be nice.
Let me see, what else is going on? My girl's birthday is coming up, and her present is going to be going to fun-town which should be fun :D
Just the two of us from 10 till like 9 and if we're lucky I'm hoping to spend the night and bring her with me to my father's for the 4th party that also is for my step-mom.
Just a few more days
.
.
.
I'll let you all know how it goes.
;) happy July days my friends.