*LIFE ALERT*

I'm going to go insane everyone. My girl is coming down the seventh and fun we shall have. Hehehehehe :) But there is more. I finally and moving up and got a higher (and hopefully more paying) job in the store I work at. Training isn't for a little bit longer but I don't care.
All I wish was I'd like to sleep, Don't get me wring I do but this is how it works:
I stay up until 3-4 A.M. and wake up at about 10:30-11:00. I know some of you are thinking "so that's still relatively good sleep", and you'd be right but. . . Let me god damn finish! xP
It isn't a restful sleep. It's filled with weird dreams, tossing and turning, and for some reason I wake up more exhausted then when I went to bed. Not to mention my weird eating habit have gotten weirder. I barely eat. . . well considering a teenage boy's diet that is.
That should be all for now. Thank you for listening to another rant.
Until next time. . . Wow I feel like I'm a tv host now. . .
Bya

. . .Mmm. . .

I don't know what it is but I'm rather happy. My girl can come and go from her house as much as she pleases, I have classes coming back and I'm getting hours at work. Everything feels good, but usually life likes to come out and blow in my face but this time. . . It feels different.
She's leaving soon for college herself so I know it'll be different but. . . We both want to try.
*Breathes* here we go.
*hides in bed* can it wait for a week or two? . . .yeah it can so it should. . . No you're right. . . I should at least face it now.
.
.
Damn.

Shower

As August begins I find myself needing a shower. For me it's an escape from everything, almost like my island and under the water but this one is used mostly for thinking back and actually solving the problem. I couldn't keep looking at that text anymore. "Im leavin. Not takin my fone. Love you always" I couldn't breathe as it was. From that moment on I felt alone. Utterly. . . helplessly. . . Alone.
I pray to god someone will read this and tell me it's stupid for me to think that and I can move on but until then, it's how I feel. We've always had someway of talking, and knowing there isn't one. . . I have to face a day alone and I don't know what will happen.
I thought back to the story my girl had written about our first night out together. . . I know she's changed, but only from stress. She's still that strong flirty girl who I love with every fiber of my being. I'm just worried that. . . I've changed and I'm now not meant to be with her anymore. She'll read this and hopefully tell me different. . . Cause I don't want to lose you sweetheart.
But back in the shower I know it's time to get out and I do. As I sit here writing this, facing the world with no hand in mine. . . I come to think. . . Maybe this should be my time to show her I'll miss her while she's away (starting in 21 days, sorry I know you hate that number) that I can be strong. So she can have the biggest thing of not having to worry about me. I just. . .
I wish when I had told her how much I'm worried about her leaving, she'd have noticed I didn't say I was stopping her. I know I can't and I know I'll push through ok for her sake. But instead I remember her saying she'll work at McDonalds for ever and pay off her debt. . . *Tries not to cry* I still don't know if she was just throwing it in my face or if she'd be willing to do it. . .sadly I really don't know.
*checks time*
well time to get ready. . . Time to face the world. Ready world?
Here I come. . .
I think I'll wait until ten. . .that is when I start work after all.

Poem: Hollow and void

Hollow.
Listen to wind blow through me.
You could fill this void
and yet you stand idle.
Watch the burning embers die.
watch the burning skies,
watch the burning tides,
and watch the world pass me by.
Few could save me, but I watch them go about their tasks.
watching.
My voice leaves me. . .
when I try ask for help.
People say they're busy, and I know they are but. . .
a friend in need. . .
is. . .
right. . .
gone.

July

Well July starts out with a bang for me each year now and I'll tell you why. It starts with my girl's birthday. The day I decided she picked what we did for the whole day and she chose funtown....fun....town....does anyone know how much that is???? *sigh* lol but still, she had a good. . .no. . .great day apparently. (on a scale from 1-10 she said a 15 but I don't know how much to take seriously about that one Xp) We rode just about every ride, although we missed one of my favorites, the Dragon's Decent, it was still even a perfect day for me. Kept making me think about my birthday and how I hope mine will be the same.
Next is the fourth of course and not only is it the quote on quote "birthday to America" but also my stepmother's birthday. So my sister and I drove down to see the other half of the family and swim and have lobster and even say hello to the other birthday girl.
We finish our visit and my girl gets out of work (the reason she can't come down with me) and we go to the fireworks with her family. I'm utterly exhausted getting up this morning and now get to relax after my own work and read a book or two.
.
.
Though my mind keeps returning to the fact my girl will be leaving soon, she'll be off at college and I'll be here hoping I can keep busy or better, go visit. I keep crossing my fingers hoping I don't mess up, and wishing I myself could have a day like hers. I can see it now. I spend the night there in her dorm, we head out to see my dad, stopping to have sex and breakfast, making it there for the day and having a nice quiet party with everyone. We all head to fright at the fort at Fort Knox and at the end I bring her home and I head to my mother's where there is more family and going to bed at my house I talk to her about how much fun I had and fall asleep hearing her voice say "goodnight and sweet dreams birthday boy"
.
.
.
yeah I know
.
.
.
To much to ask for. But it's really only a day or two for me. . . is it really that bad?

WOO!

So, my first summer class is over and I think it went pretty well. I have another coming up soon but it's early in the morning so I should have the rest of the day off. I think this will be nice.
Let me see, what else is going on? My girl's birthday is coming up, and her present is going to be going to fun-town which should be fun :D
Just the two of us from 10 till like 9 and if we're lucky I'm hoping to spend the night and bring her with me to my father's for the 4th party that also is for my step-mom.
Just a few more days
.
.
.
I'll let you all know how it goes.
;) happy July days my friends.

Yes ladies and gentleman we're back together. . . Wow. I thought it would have been longer but I guess she wanted a break, "some time to herself" and not. . .apart I guess? But I saw her today and was sitting across the table and telling her what I told you all and what I'd told her too (and that like our first fight, if she told me how she felt I could try and change and not bottle it up). One minute we're talking and next minute she has my face in her hands and kissing me. . .my god I forgot that girl can kiss
.
.
.
mmmmmmm
.
.
.
N-E-ways :) yeah.
I'm happy but. . . I don't know. I feel like a lot was said. I don't want to have to keep worrying about being clingy, or if I'm sounding like I don't trust her. . .It never came to mind. I was bored and so first quesiton in my mind is "whatcha doin'?"
But right now I'm just happy. . . Blissful happy.

Broken

Yesterday was really long. But the biggest part was my girl and I. . . Are not together anymore. *sigh* She said she wanted a break, that we were drifting apart. I had become clingy and didn't trust her by asking her what she was doing (course I told her "how can I be clingy when I don't see you?" and "I ask because I'm curious not because I don't trust you"). I'd say we talked about all she had...no scratch that- she told me all she had to say and I told her what I saw in it (like being clingy).
By the end of it I couldn't really stop her. She wanted to. . . I knew I thought she might find someone better in college. . .with all she told me I was, maybe she will :/
.
.
.
She says she still loves me. I know I still love her. But for right now. . . We're not the same people who started this relationship, so I agreed.
We should be finding out who we are, before trying to find that someone. . .
I don't know. . .
For me?
.
.
.
I think I'll wait. I'll see if she changes her mind. IF she wants me I'll be here. If she doesn't?
*shrug* I think I'll be happy she might find someone. . .maybe not right away but. . . I will.

:/

Me and my girl are seeing something. That we seem like we're being pulled apart. But I see what's going on. For the summer I thought it would be a non stop fest of seeing each other. But instead it's going to be filled with her doing one thing after another, working TWO jobs and I don't know what else.
But we've got to keep trying. I won't let her slip away from me. She still wants me here so I'll atill be here.

(Poem) Lake Shore Drive

Up on Lake Shore Drive,

we sang and let our bodies dance.

For the longest of times we have been happy;

storms would come, shaking

shaking our faith in what

what what we should believe.

Yet the clouds always pass and part,

sun shining on us all.

Birds sing and repairs are made.

Up on Lake Shore Drive,

We are happy.

We sing and dance,

until the world

has sung with us.

Wait.....What??

So apparently it has been a little under a month since I've posted anything for you guys. . . I am SO sorry DX. I don't know what to say about the month that has passed but I know a bunch about what this month has to hold:
My girl's graduation and party afterwards. . .hours bbq, but hey should be fun.
My sister's birthday and my father's as well if I believe right.
Father's day as well. . . O boy.
I still have classes going on and I don't know what to say about that except summer classes SUCK in having but I chose it so I would come back a sophomore in college. . . woo.
Course on top of all of this my stomach had felt pretty good until today, don't know what happened and I don't much care. . .just want it better. . .*pokes stomach* you hear me???
well hopefully I'll post again before the end of the month.

Well Hello again Ladies and Gentlemen

So we begin the month of May. O boy. No more classes. . .kinda. . .more work. . . in a way. . .wait a second. . .how is this different than before? 'CAUSE I SAID SO! XP
*laughs* wow I need a life. Hopefully that will be happening this week because one helluva week it is. Let's see:
Sunday-work until late, mother's day so gotta see the mom
Monday-work till late...and later...ugh
Tuesday- groceries come in so gotta do that, possibly a visit to the girl :D XD yes!!!
Wednesday- work...again
Thursday- day off, maybe see the mother again for splitting wood
Friday-work once more
Saturday- Sister graduates from college so go show respect
and finally the week after that is more classes.
o boy....so....
Well I got nothing to say....sleep?
.......nah

*Deep breath and ahhhhhh*

Summer is almost here, although I will personally have classes to be taking and I actually like fall better, there is still that giant weight feeling slowly coming off. I've almost made it through a whole year of being a college student and it feels invigorating. For those that have followed along and new I could do it and saying "I told you so" right now.... Buzz off XP
Don't get me wrong there was not much to stop me but it doesn't mean I wasn't scared to be doing this. Now that I have done one year it seems like the year to come will be just as easy. . .maybe.
O boy. . .
But I'll remain strong and prepared. Come on mother nature, show me a good time so I can make it through. . .
Least I think I should ask mother nature. *shrug* Oh well, no harm in asking, right?
.
.
.
Right? :(

Words

Words hurt. . . words have power, words have changed the world and yet a picture is stronger. . .WOW. . . That is definitely saying something. They also get stuck into my head right easy. They also don't like to flow, they are supposed to though when you want to make a story, but I'll get just these pieces of them and then. . . It goes no where.
It is so frustrating.
I haven't really written anything new because of that actually. I keep trying but I don't know where to start really. what would be nice would be if someone asked me "Oh hey I heard you write, can you write a story for me where this and this happens?" I don't know why.
*sigh*
Maybe I'll get lucky. . . If not then I really need to find something better to do in my life. . .
Damn.

=)

"WHAT EACH KISS MEANS"
- Kiss on the Forehead: We're cute together .
- Kiss on the Cheek: We're friends.
- Kiss on the Hand: I adore you.
- Kiss on the Neck: I want you, now.
- Kiss on the Shoulder: Your perfect.
- Kiss on the Lips: I LOVE YOU...
____________________________________________________
WHAT EACH GESTURE MEANS:
- Holding Hands: We definitely like each other.
- Holding you tight pressed against each other: I want you.
- Looking into each other's Eyes: I like you, for who you are.
- Playing with Hair: Let's fool around.
- Arms around the Waist: I like you too much to let go.
- Laughing while Kissing: I am completely comfortable with you.
____________________________________________________

ADVICE:
- If you were thinking about someone while reading this, you're definitely
in Love.

Dance

Ahhhh, high school dances. The love, the lust, the pounding bass, the heartbreak and the after math. My girl is in her last year of high school so she invited me to be her date to one of the biggest dances of the year. I won't say it wasn't fun because it was. But along with high school, even if you're not still in high school, you still hear about the drama. He kissed her, she danced with him and god forbid you see a fight break out.
But it was nice to get out, to dance, and just have fun and not worry about all the problems whether high school or something else. I know what you're all really thinking, "you! you went to a dance after what happened the last time!?!"
I know but my girl loves to dance and since they're really no clubs where I live, not much other choice. She wanted to not go to any after the last one but I wanted to show her it was okay. Though with going to the dance came with it, people who remembered what happened to lots of teasing there. All I could think was: "Yes, thank you for reminding of maybe the most painful thing I've dealt with in my life, thank you." I know they were only playing but they forget it hurts.
But by the end of the night, everything was good, and sweet, and just. . .utterly perfect in a whole.
*sigh*
Can't wait for the next one :D

*Boom*

Well there it goes folks. . .blowing up in my face like I knew it would. I can't blame it on anyone. . . Well I could but that gets me nowhere. All I am going to say about it is I'm going to try and take my life back. I liked they way everything was going and I'd like it to go back.
*Sits in seat quietly.*. . . Can I do it tomorrow???
*sighs and gets up to fix it all* here we go.

WOW!

Well readers. . .
It seems for once that my life is going rather well. I know right! *looks over shoulder* sorry. . . nervous habit. When everything is going my way it has a habit of coming back and kicking my. . .uh. . ."face".
My classes are turning out well and I actually get to see everyone. That should be all for now but stay tuned in case this blows up in my face. . .

Buzz

I've been so damn busy -_-
I can't seem to be going anywhere in my story, my friends are everywhere asking for rides or something my god. I'm thinking of just a day for me or something but I have no idea what I would do. Maybe I'll just have a movie marathon, stay in my pj's and have candy/junk food galore.
That sounds real nice. . . Now I gotta find a time lol.
Let's see, my one year is coming up tomorrow with me and my girl and I am very excited. I didn't think it was that long but it feels great. I have surprises it seems that she knows about but I don't mind. I just want to see her happy face.
Well for now that is all so I'll be back when I can. ;)

Not Again!

I'm stuck with writer's block again!!! ugh!!! enough said

*achoo*

ugh I hate being sick. This has been one of the worst times too. The worst was when I actually threw up because I don't usually. The next was in January of this year and I couldn't really stand and now this time where I almost couldn't again, head pounding, stuffy nose.
*sniffle sniffle* ugh god why....I don't get it, how come I'm getting sick now?

Life update

Well apparently I've been busy and didn't know it. I went almost a whole month without one post to you guys!!! god forbid!! lol
Anyways let's see. . .
The new semester has started at my school, the classes I have are not bad at all. I was harassed in one of these classes but quickly got it taken care of (let you know more when I do)
Tomorrow I go down to my real home, the one I feel like I never should have left but I know I needed to. I'll be seeing the young brothers of mine, grandmother and my father. What? Yes my girl is going with me :)
I don't know why but I've felt so lonely recently, but with the day coming up I hope that seeing her will change that like it always does.
Well for now I do believe that is all I have to say so. . .
until something worthy has come up my friends.

Chained in the Snow

I feel chained to the wall (Hence the title). I'm stuck here at my place and I can't help the one I care about. She's getting taunted and yelled at because she didn't do anything yesterday, but I think she has a pretty good excuse which is not being able to feel her toes!!
*breathes* I'm stuck here in this place covered by snow (which I love snow) but right now it feels like a prison. A prison's cold bars and the food is not what you want. All I can do is be here for when she needs me. . .all I can do is sit and wait for the possibility of talking to her again soon. . .and the hopes my work can keep my lonely mind from straying to the fact I'm a solo prisoner in this hell of mine.

*Achoo*

Ugh I hate being sick. I get a headache, my nose starts running off my face. My throat goes dry and my cough sounds not even human at some points. It was really bad on Saturday, I mean bad enough I dropped a 7 and a half hour shift because I couldn't really crawl out of bed. The next day wasn't much better and I finally made it to the store for some medicine and beat it into submission.
Now I'm stuck with a slight cough and my nose stuffed up to my skull with phlegm. But I will not let it win. It may be the worst I'd felt in a while but I can't let it bother me.
Classes have started up again and I'm glad I'm feeling better at the start of them.
Now I just need my books and for someone to tell me what's going on with foodstamps!!!