. . .Mmm. . .

I don't know what it is but I'm rather happy. My girl can come and go from her house as much as she pleases, I have classes coming back and I'm getting hours at work. Everything feels good, but usually life likes to come out and blow in my face but this time. . . It feels different.
She's leaving soon for college herself so I know it'll be different but. . . We both want to try.
*Breathes* here we go.
*hides in bed* can it wait for a week or two? . . .yeah it can so it should. . . No you're right. . . I should at least face it now.
.
.
Damn.

Shower

As August begins I find myself needing a shower. For me it's an escape from everything, almost like my island and under the water but this one is used mostly for thinking back and actually solving the problem. I couldn't keep looking at that text anymore. "Im leavin. Not takin my fone. Love you always" I couldn't breathe as it was. From that moment on I felt alone. Utterly. . . helplessly. . . Alone.
I pray to god someone will read this and tell me it's stupid for me to think that and I can move on but until then, it's how I feel. We've always had someway of talking, and knowing there isn't one. . . I have to face a day alone and I don't know what will happen.
I thought back to the story my girl had written about our first night out together. . . I know she's changed, but only from stress. She's still that strong flirty girl who I love with every fiber of my being. I'm just worried that. . . I've changed and I'm now not meant to be with her anymore. She'll read this and hopefully tell me different. . . Cause I don't want to lose you sweetheart.
But back in the shower I know it's time to get out and I do. As I sit here writing this, facing the world with no hand in mine. . . I come to think. . . Maybe this should be my time to show her I'll miss her while she's away (starting in 21 days, sorry I know you hate that number) that I can be strong. So she can have the biggest thing of not having to worry about me. I just. . .
I wish when I had told her how much I'm worried about her leaving, she'd have noticed I didn't say I was stopping her. I know I can't and I know I'll push through ok for her sake. But instead I remember her saying she'll work at McDonalds for ever and pay off her debt. . . *Tries not to cry* I still don't know if she was just throwing it in my face or if she'd be willing to do it. . .sadly I really don't know.
*checks time*
well time to get ready. . . Time to face the world. Ready world?
Here I come. . .
I think I'll wait until ten. . .that is when I start work after all.